Lauren and her spirit animal, the nanotyrannus, have a lot of things in common. The nanotyrannus is a vicious murder machine from prehistoric times; Lauren is my girlfriend. The nanotyrannus is drawn to the scent of blood, which signifies a nearby meal; Lauren likes shedding blood just because. The name “nanotyrannus” means “pygmy tyrant”; Lauren likes to call herself the Supreme Ruler of the Galaxy when she feels like cuddling. For these reasons and more, both the nanotyrannus and Lauren are among the most awesome organisms I know.
Neither of us actually knew that there was such a thing as a nanotyrannus until recently, when Lauren decided to check out this show called Jurassic Fight Club. In the show, paleontologists use SCIENCE to investigate mysterious markings on dinosaur bones. They then use SCIENCE to unravel the stories behind the markings. SCIENCE tells them fights broke out in the course of what can only be described as part of some nightmarish soap opera from prehistoric hell.
Case in point – in episode two of this fantastic show, a nanotyrannus was deduced to have been killed by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. This is because the nanotyrannus killed the T. Rex’s baby in an effort to work its way up the food chain. Seriously, SCIENCE comes up with twisted shit sometimes.
The show described nanotyrannus as a smaller, sleeker T. Rex. It was faster than big old Sharptooth, and nearly as powerful. Sure, it was dwarfed in size by T. Rex, but size is relative when it comes to dinosaurs. Nanotyrannus was about 17 FEET LONG.
Lauren had a blast watching the show. All throughout graphic scenes of murder, baby-eating, and dinosaur smackdowns, she was alternately saying “Ooooh”, “Aaaaahh”, and “Fuck yeah this is so gory!!!”. She also decided that the nanotyrannus was her spirit animal.
I guess that’s part of why I love being with Lauren so much. She’s into so many of the things that I like. She’s fascinated by dinosaurs, violence, and gore, and yet remains so… adorable between the fantasies of carnage. I don’t quite know how to explain it; it’s just really cool.
And yes, that’s me in the picture, about to be eaten by Lauren’s spirit
animal dinosaur. According to her, violence is her way of showing me she loves me. This is also why I’ve replaced all sharp objects in my home with teddy bears. Have you ever tried cutting a steak with a teddy bear? It’s fucking impossible.
If you want your own badass spirit animal drawing, let me know what it is in the comments! The less conventional, the better. My three favorite answers will get a wallpaper-sized (1600×1200 or 1366×768) image, plus a cropped version for them profile pics. Please do chime in with your ideal spirit animal, because I like doing nice things for people. Also, I need the practice. Yay!